Ramanean’s Blog

Dear Tech Support Team:

Last Month I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as Bachelor Nights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5,

and Outings 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0, but

the ‘uninstall’ doesn’t work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,

“A Troubled User”

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain

about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0,

thinking that it is just a Utilities and

Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its

Creator to run EVERYTHING!! !

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return

to Girlfriend 5.0.

It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program

files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0

is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-

Alimony- Child Support) .

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on

improving the environment.

I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear” to alleviate

software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command

C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to

give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will

return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very

high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support

programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5

and Do Laundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you

use these programs. Improper use will cause the system

to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5.

Once this happens, the only way to improve the

performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional

software. I recommend

Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING: DO NOT, under any circumstances,

install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application

is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause

irreversible damage to the operating system.

Thanks & Regards
Tech Support

  NOT A STORY BUT A TRUE INCIDENT

An Indian man walks into a bank in
New York City and asks for the loan officer.
He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business
for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank
will need some form of security for the loan,
so the Indian man hands over the keys
and documents of new Ferrari parked
on the street in front of the bank.
He produces the title and everything checks out.
The loan officer agrees to accept
the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank’s president and its officers
all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian
for using a $250,000 Ferrari
as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then
drives the Ferrari into the bank’s
underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Indian returns,
repays the $5,000 and the interest,
which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says,
“Sir, we are very happy to have had your business,
and this transaction has worked out very nicely,
but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away,
we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow “$5,000″ ?

The Indian replies:

“Where else in New York City can I park my car
for two weeks for only $15.41
and expect it to be there when I return’”

Ah, the mind of the Indian…

This is why India is shining

Love can neither be created nor be destroyed, only it can transfered  from
one girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money.

First law:

A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl
in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until on unless
any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and
break the legs of the boy.

Second law:

The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is
directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and
the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the
bank balance.

Third law:

The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite
to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals

Kids think  quick

TEACHER    :    Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA         :    Here it is!
TEACHER    :    Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS          :    Maria!

___________________________________________________________ .

TEACHER     :    Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK          :    Because of the sign.
TEACHER     :    What sign?
FRANK          :    The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

___________________________________________________________

TEACHER:   John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN       :   You told me to do it without using tables!

___________________________________________________________

TEACHER    :   Glenn, how do you spell “crocodile?”
GLENN         :    K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”
TEACHER    :    No, that’s wrong
GLENN         :    Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

___________________________________________________________

TEACHER    :    Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD      :    H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER    :    What are you talking about?
DONALD      :    Yesterday you said it’s H to O!

___________________________________________________________

TEACHER      : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn’t  have ten years ago.
WINNIE        :    Me!

___________________________________________________________

TEACHER    :    Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS          :    Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.

___________________________________________________________

TEACHER    :    Millie, give me a sentence starting with “I.”
MILLIE    :    I is…
TEACHER    :    No, Millie….. Always say, “I am.”
MILLIE     :    All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

___________________________________________________________

TEACHER    :    Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.”

___________________________________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
didn’t punish  him?”
LOUIS    : Because George still had the ax in his hand.

___________________________________________________________

TEACHER      :  Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON          :    No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.

___________________________________________________________

TEACHER      :   Clyde , your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as
your brother’s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE :    No, teacher, it’s the same dog!;

__________________________________________________________

TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when

people  are no longer interested?
HAROLD   :     A teacher.

MBA Vs. BE Student

” ENGINEERING = 100% COMMON SENSE ”
“Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.”

DON’T CHALLENGE MECHANICAL FOR IT.

General Motors REPLY TO BILL GATES
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
“If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release Stating:
“If GM had developed technology like microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would ! run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation” warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. (Read CTR-ALT-DEL)
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off. “

This is one of the best jokes I have ever seen.

Adam Gilchrist: Pigeon among the cats
Matthew Hayden: Crass and uneducated, close to moron status and will end up as an imbecile
James Hopes: The blugeoning buffoon who thinks he is a bowler
Ricky Ponting: Bush Clone, only he looks stupider
Michael Clarke: The cunning convict
Andrew Symonds: Pitiable excuse for a human being
Michael Hussey: Genetically similar to Gilchrist
Brad Haddin: Who the hell is this guy ?
Brett Lee: Nice guy .. honestly speaking
Nathan Bracken: Long haired … looks as dunce like as ever
Mitchell Johnson: His teeth looks bigger than his brain … needs teeth shortening ASAP
Brad Hogg: As obnoxious as his surname means in Hindi

source: I got this from a forwarded mail

 
 
Wrong mail ID - too good… Crackeeeee
 
 
 A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room,

so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.

However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without

realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile….Somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned from her

husband’s funeral.

The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence

messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted. The

widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw

the

computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I’ve Reached

Date: 16 May 2004

I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, and we

are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.

I’ve just reached and have been checked in.

I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival   tomorrow.

 

Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!